I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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