About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
