I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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