He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I died a long time ago.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
