Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
