Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
