OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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