note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
