i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
