This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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