Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
