yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
