dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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