Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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