ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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