i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
