I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
