Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't deserve a penis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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