All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
