You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
