i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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