um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
