I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
