it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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