sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
