Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
