woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
