Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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