I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
