Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
