YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
