We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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