Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to make out with him forever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
