Pants 0. Shit 1.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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