On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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