So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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