I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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