we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
