Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish you could order shots online.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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