Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
