You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
