I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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