I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
