So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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