everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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