i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
