I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
