she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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