Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
