i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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