you would pick up someone in the library
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
