But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
