I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
