I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
